


the fire is slowly dying (my dear we're still goodbying)

by tinyace



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: 12 Days of Carmilla, Angst, Christmas Drabbles, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 05:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5485184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyace/pseuds/tinyace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perry has to deal with the fact that she is no longer in control of her own body. Not even childhood memories of singing carols together with LaFontaine can safe her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the fire is slowly dying (my dear we're still goodbying)

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings:** Emotional manipulation / abuse  & mention of physical abuse.

With her heart beating fast in her chest Perry runs downstairs to the kitchen. Quickly she smashes the door shut and locks it. Exhausted, she turns around with her back to the door and closes her eyes as she lets herself drop to the floor.

Perry never meant to hurt them, but she did it anyway. After all this time she has to accept she is no longer in control of herself.

_That’s true, Raggedy Ann. You’re but an empty vessel for my greater good._

Ignore it!

Footsteps approach the kitchen. Even if Perry couldn’t already tell LaFontaine’s distinct footsteps apart, common sense would tell her it was them anyway.

LaF tries to open the door, but as soon as they notice it’s locked they let out a sigh. “Perr…“ they say calmly. “Please open this door.”

“I’m not letting you in,” Perry says with an oddly tight throat.

“I know that wasn’t you, I know-“ LaFontaine swallows. “I know it was the Dean who… pushed me into the walls.”

_Are you sure about that? You seem to have plenty of rage by yourself._

“Please leave me be,” Perry begs them. “I’m not… normal.”

_You wanted LaFontaine to feel exactly like you feel. Hurt. Broken. You thought you’d spend your lives together. Until that walking USB came into the picture. Now you’re just a pathetic third wheel._

“Is this because of what I said about Jeep? Because as much as I care about him, it could never replace the bond we have.”

_That’s a pathetic excuse. Are you really going to believe that? Would that awful apology really make your anger fade away? There’s no point to it, Perry. I know exactly what you were thinking in that moment. You wanted to hurt LaFontaine. Badly._

“I’d never hurt LaFontaine!” Perry shouts angrily. Anything. She’d do anything to make Lilita go away.

“Perry, let me help you,” LaFontaine offers quietly. “I’m sure if we approach this from a scientific standpoint we-“

“You can’t do anything, you know that,” she interrupts them abruptly.

There hangs an awful silence in the air. Neither of them speaks, neither of them can even see each other. But it’s better this way Perry tries to convince herself. As long as she stays away from LaFontaine, closes herself off from everyone she loves, it will be just fine.

Perry can hear LaF taking a deep breath and what begins in muttering slowly turns into a soft, off-key melody.

“Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful… and since we've no place to go-,” they let the song die out when Perry doesn’t join in. “Remember, Perr? How we used to sing carols in December as we played in the freshly fallen snow?”

Perry presses her lips together and tells herself it’s pointless to cry.

“… You even taught me your favourite Hanukkah songs.”

_Happy memories? You think I’ll go away when you believe hard and strong enough in hopes and dreams? Grow up._

It’s not just happy memories. It’s much more than that. It was one of the core elements to their relationship when they were growing up. Every winter, when the snow started falling, she couldn’t wait to go outside. If growing up means letting go off those memories she’d rather stay a child.

_Let me tell you, the moment I get full control over this body I’ll make sure you’ll find pieces of their dead body in every corner that’s dear to you._

Perry swallows. “You should leave, LaFontaine.”

“Oh…” they say with disappoint in their voice. “Okay- I’ll just… meet you upstairs whenever you’re ready I guess.”

LaFontaine turns around and Perry can hear the familiar footsteps go upstairs. After the door is shut the house is silent once again.

_Took you long enough to get rid of them._

Shut up.

_You know it’s inevitable, right? I’m infinitely more powerful than you are. You can feel it too, don’t you?_

Perry can no longer hold back the tears as they stream down her face.

_It’s nothing personal though. As soon as I open the Seven Gates you will all rot and die anyway. It’s better you stop caring about your friends now, because you’ll have to watch my every move as I take control over you and this world._

Perry blocks out Lilita’s monologue as she desperately tries to remember the song LaFontaine sung. Her voice sounds fragile, and through her tears it’s barely even hearable.

She can feel the power to fight against Lilita growing dimmer.

_“The fire is slowly dying…”_

It won’t be long until her friends would give up on her. Wouldn’t be long until LaFontaine would abandon her.

_“And my dear, we’re still goodbying…”_

If only she was as strong as LaFontaine to fight back.

_“But as long as you love me so…”_

Maybe being normal isn’t always the right way to go.

_“Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I won't post all my Christmas drabbles on AO3. If you want to read more, you can do so [here](http://bannedfromzoos.tumblr.com/tagged/12-days-of-carmilla). (Apologies if there are any grammar mistakes, English isn't my native language).


End file.
